An inadequacy in one’s understanding of the present presupposes the concept of waiting. I As a child, I constantly found myself annoyed at the present. So much of my life was controlled that I waited for the day when I could break out and be independent. I had to explain why I didn’t want to go to school, why I wanted to play instead of studying, why I couldn’t score in subjects I despised. The sheer lack of independence and freedom made we wait and wait for adulthood.
Having reached adulthood, I still wait for a break. I am in that phase where I am beginning to understand my own values on everything ranging from food habits to my work to romance, relationships and sex. My attitude is largely that of a “to each his own” and invariably this is in conflict with the highly judgemental atmosphere I live in. There are times when I wait for an occasion or an opportunity to move far away and start my life from scratch, new people, new places, a new job, new language, new food, etc and just totally forget the past 22 years. But I realise the futility of “this grass is greener on the other side” attitude. Given its inherently relative nature, it is bound to be an endless loop of disappointment.
There are ups and downs everyday. It is an inevitable part of my life, it is an inevitable part of everyone’s life. Embracing this rather than waiting for a perfect world is the right way to go about it I suppose. I don’t know, just another confused young adult speaking here. I guess wisdom is another thing that I am waiting for.
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